And I know that I’m yours
Your fingers around mine,
I know you’ll never go
Kiss me hard and hold me close
Make me forget all my pains
And not cause you anymore
It feels like just another nightmarish wet dream
but the ache in my skin tells me it was the real thing
there’s a tradition where if you step on the campus seal in the middle of the quad you won’t graduate in 4 years unless you touch a statue of our school mascot (a goat that’s is like 60 feet away across an open field) within 10 seconds and I just watched a senior accidentally step on it, holler “SHIT” at the top of his lungs, drop his bags, and break into a dead sprint across the lawn. I love college
the really shitty thing about being told that youre smart your whole entire life is that as soon as you dont understand something you just kind of completely shut down and his this big shitty crisis because maybe youre not as smart as youve always been told
A year ago, going to school was exciting. I loved my lectures and the atmosphere and just being there.
But I’ve changed a lot the past few months, most of the changes being deliberate, and now at school…I feel different. I don’t dress or act or think like any of these people. And I don’t want to. I’ve shaped myself into the person I want to be, not who anyone else wants me to be, and it creates an uncomfortable situation.
I don’t sit in the front row and take hundreds of notes and I don’t sit in the back row on Facebook. I sit in the back row and pay excruciatingly close attention to what the professor is saying, no notes because I don’t need them.
I don’t try endlessly to make conversation with people around me and I don’t walk around with headphones, blocking the world out. If the opportunity arises, as it did yesterday, I’ll joke with someone near me and we’ll laugh, but I’m not going to push small talk. I don’t believe in it.
But people don’t like these things. They want me to fit in their box. Yesterday, I was paying close attention from my back row seat, practicing the sounds my linguistics professor was teaching, and the girl next to me actually looked away from Facebook to stare at me like a zoo exhibit. Shortly thereafter, she left the lecture, an hour early.
But the best change, the most empowering change of all the changes I’ve made, is my lack of caring about what people think. It’s amazing and freeing and so completely uplifting. It’s probably the most amazing feeling possible, looking in the mirror and loving myself so wholeheartedly I can’t help but smile at my reflection, and then going out and letting that confidence shine.
The only person I need to please is me and I’m my biggest fan. And that’s exactly how it should be.
Relstionship Goal: get high and bang in a cloud of smoke to I Want You (She’s So Heavy)
people without passwords on their phones are the strongest and most terrifying people you will ever meet